I didn’t know what to make of it – my dad’s voicemail continued to echo…
“You need to call me. If you can’t get a hold of me, you need to continue to call me.”
He sounded stressed – panicked, even. This was highly uncharacteristic of him. My mom had recently started doing Zumba. I thought, “Did something happen at the gym?” I quickly combed through the possibilities that could yield his reaction.
I was at work that day. My job at the time was to drive an ambulance for the fire department I was employed for. It was a steppingstone position, getting EMT experience and working within the firehouse.
I would work 24-hour shifts, then drive across the county in heavy traffic to spend all day at school (I was attending undergrad at the time) and work my 12-hour volunteer Firefighter gig the next day. I was burning the candle at both ends, and fast.
I questioned myself multiple times…
“Is this all worth it? Am I going to get a job in this highly competitive career? Will I have to resort to my backup plan?”
As I tried to call back, the tones dropped. A sound rang through the firehouse indicating we had been dispatched to a medical emergency. I put my questions to the back of my mind for the time being. About thirty minutes later, we arrived at the hospital with the patient, stable, and ready to be rolled into the emergency room.
As I stepped out of the back of the ambulance, I noticed something odd.
Another ambulance was waiting at the hospital, ready to receive transfer of care of our patient, simply to wheel them into the hospital. This wasn’t normal.
I looked around and noticed something else. Both the Engine and Truck from the firehouse I worked at were both parked at the hospital. Again, not normal. I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.
If you know anything about the fire service, you’ll know that it’s a very tight-knit group. We spend at least one-third of our lives with each other at the firehouse, so we all become somewhat of a second family. Our families grow know each other, we go on trips together, and we develop very strong bonds amongst one another.
I felt the only reason they were there was for me – that they knew something I didn’t. I looked at the somber faces of the 8 firefighters, whom all know me very well. My Captain took me aside and handed me a phone with a number already dialed up for a local trauma center emergency room.
I called and asked for my dad.
Finally getting to speak to him, he said, “Something happened to Jason. We’re going to regroup at his house. We’ll be here when you get here.”
I didn’t ask what happened. I didn’t keep him on the phone. I already knew, but I’d never dreamed my oldest brother would be the subject of this conversation.
I tried to hold back tears and emotion as I left work and rushed to my brother’s house no more than a few miles away.
Pulling up, I noticed a police car parked in front of the address. I got out and walked down the brick steps into the small, gated yard. My mother met me at the door, ripping it open as she realized I had just showed up.
“Jason’s gone!” she sobbed as she wrapped her arms around me.
That was it. My oldest brother was no longer alive. He had gone out for a ride on his motorcycle and approached the crest of a shallow incline to find a vehicle covering two lanes of traffic right in front of him, waiting to make a left turn.
There was no time to brake and not enough room to swerve.
Brake. Skid. Contact.
He’d high-sided his bike and was thrown off, landing on the ground with a battered body and a broken neck.
Little did I know that this would set forth one of the most important lessons in self-realization that I would ever experience.
I was bitter, angry, and confused all at the same time.
Our family took time for mourning. And as you’d expect, it was very difficult. But nobody had it worse than my mother; her world truly came crashing down.
Even with everything going on, I knew I had to return to work and get back to school to finish the semester strong. I also couldn’t let this incident dissuade me from continuing to pursue my career, given that I had already seen, and continued to see accidents akin to what my brother experienced. I learned to disassociate myself when it came to work, because that’s what a professional does.
I had a lot of time to reflect on my own life and thought about what Jason had taught me. He was twelve years older than me, so most of what I’d learned wasn’t taught, but was realized as I reflected on how he lived his life.
A troubled youth with his parents splitting up when he was a child (he had a different father than me), Jason has battled with substance abuse at a young age. Yet he made it into a rehabilitation program and cleaned up by his 19th birthday. But it didn’t stop there.
He was smart, determined, and knew he wanted to make something of himself. The man got his hands dirty, and he attained the experience he needed to eventually become a Journeyman Electrician. He started his own company and continued his life as a successful business owner, doing what he wanted, when he wanted.
He’d take dirt bike trips to places like Costa Rica to ride trails with some of his best friends. He owned multiple horses, was an avid snowboarder, and traveled all over the world with his significant other.
I remember a time where I asked him to help me set up a horseback riding date. He rolled up on his Harley Davidson wearing boots, Levi’s, and a leather jacket…as cool as can be. “What’s up bro!” he exclaimed, while giving me a big hug. He politely introduced himself to my date, and not only met us at the stable to get things going but offered to be our private guide.
I once asked him to go snowboarding with me, as I was just getting into it and wanted to get better. He hadn’t strapped into a board in years. Ten seconds into the first run of the day, he flawlessly hit a large hip jump with an Indy grab, like he hadn’t missed a beat. He spent the entire day teaching me more than I’d ever learned anywhere else.
These are just some of the experiences that I’ll hold onto forever, and ones that led me to realize that he wasn’t just a kind, talented soul. But someone who took charge of his own life and did the things that truly made him happy.
If asked to describe him, I would say he’s simply…
“Cool.”
He didn’t stay bitter that his parents got divorced at a young age, he didn’t let substance abuse ruin his life, and he didn’t make any excuses.
I loved that about him. He lived every day as if it were his last. He knew he wasn’t going to be here forever, so he made sure to experience as much of the good things in life as possible.
He taught me that:
· Our time is precious, and we need to treat it as such. It won’t come back.
· No matter the cards you’ve been dealt, you can always find a way.
· You can’t just wait for things to happen; you need to take action.
In the words of Pablo Picasso, “Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone.”
I spent a lot of time reflecting on that. So, I decided:
It was time for me to live by his example. I didn’t grow up on a dirt bike, take many chances, or truly put myself out there in my younger years. But there were things that I’d always wanted to do, I just couldn’t find the inner motivation to kick me in the butt and get going.
In a few short years, I have:
· Graduated on the Dean’s List with a BS in Kinesiology, CSUF
· Continued with pursuit of a master’s degree
· Attained my dream job as a Career Firefighter, furthering my love for the job by becoming a part of specialized programs
· Traveled to multiple countries with some of my best friends
· Started multiple new hobbies, becoming more well-rounded in the process
· Moved to one of the most beautiful places in Southern California
· Structured my life with planning and goal setting
· Begun to write about things I’m passionate about
I’ve also met my fiancée, Sasha, who’s been a such a great support system and life partner. We share similar goals, motivation, discipline, a relentless pursuit of self-improvement, and an undeniable love for dogs and coffee.
There’s something special that happens when you realize you no longer want to waste time wasting time. It doesn’t mean you always have to be on the move, have a plan, or have no time to relax. What it does mean is that you’re ready to make a conscious effort to start living every day with purpose.
Jason’s accident was something I never would have guessed to be the catalyst in my personal growth and self-development process. But I did everything I could to turn all that anger and frustration into positive energy, channeling it to reach deep inside myself and ask what I truly wanted out of life.
Through the process of self-development, I’ve learned to properly manage my time, set and achieve goals, work on deficiencies, be forgiving, love myself for who I am, and above all, be happy. These are things I’d like to share with the world; anyone who wants to receive them.
That led me to this:
The Memento Mori Project.
What began as a simple idea from the Latin phrase Memento Mori which translates to, “Remember that you must die,” has transformed into a part of me where I seek to help others find their “why”, and to help them stop just existing and truly start living.
Everyone has it in them:
· YOU have the power to grow.
· YOU are in control of your life.
· YOU can be your own hero.
I’m doing my best to share tools, techniques, quotes and statements throughout history that resonate with me, and detailed stories of other individuals who have turned a bad experience into a wealth of positivity. I’d love to have you along for the ride. You won’t regret it.
You can get started by subscribing to The Memento Mori Project Newsletter where, once a week I will provide one quote, one thought-provoking article, and something motivating to get your week started.
In the wise words of Confucius, “We have two lives; the second begins when we realize we only have one.”
Stop Existing, Start Living,
Jeff Steele
Voice of The Memento Mori Project